I used to think God wanted me to walk away from my band KoRn and the whole crazy metal scene for good. But now I know God’s real purpose in leading me away from that world was not to remove me from it completely; it was to prepare me for going back into it. I needed to get stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually, so I could go back and be a light in the darkness for millions of lost and hurting people, people who may never set foot in a church, but who will come out to hear us play and lose themselves in our music.
It's hard to believe how much my life has changed. Sometimes when I stop to think about everything I’ve been through—rock stardom, drug addiction, depression, lawsuits, betrayals, bankruptcy, and all of the challenges my daughter Jennea and I have faced together—I feel like I’ve been put to death and raised back to life again, and again.
As difficult and as painful as my experiences were, they needed to happen. Yeah, I got knocked down a lot, but each time I got back up, I got back up stronger.
Over the past ten years, Jesus has walked with me through the most intense suffering of my life—not to punish me, but to cleanse me. Everything I went through was God’s way of bringing all the worst traits in me to the surface so he could take them away from me once and for all.
The Bible says that our heavenly Father disciplines us to correct what is wrong in us (Hebrews 12:6)—in other words, to bring about healing. That’s why one of the many “nicknames” for God is “the Great Physician.” Just like a surgeon has to cut a patient open to correct what’s wrong, God has to cut into our souls to correct what’s wrong in us. He cuts and he cuts until we all bleed the character and nature of his beloved son, Jesus. And man does the cutting hurt!
But all the hurt we endure ends up being totally worth it because a profound, mystical, and miraculous exchange can be experienced through suffering. Through the refining fire of adversities, God takes out pieces of our humanity and replaces it with his divine nature. As astounding as it sounds, we are slowly being changed into the mirror image of Jesus from the inside out. None of us can try and be good enough until we act like Jesus in our own strength. God has to supernaturally form Jesus in us as we submit to the, sometimes difficult, and other times fun process. (Romans 8:29)
1 Corinthians 9:22 says, “I have become all things to all people . . .”
So for now, I'm just gonna do what I've been called to do: play my music with KoRn, show unfailing love to my daughter and all of our fans, and, most importantly, continue to love God above all else and to engage as much as possible with the spiritual world that Jesus died to give me.
I want all of God I can get, and I'm just getting started. I haven’t even scratched the surface yet.
Find out more about Brian Welch's newest book, "With My Eyes Wide Open" here:
- Brian 'Head' Welch